Since my childhood, I have been labeled as a sensitive kid. In a society of praising high emotional intelligence, I used to supress inner feelings and hide my emotions in order to appear matured and professional in both personal and work life.
In short, I onced hated being highly sensitive and totally disregarded my emotions!
About 9 years ago, I was exhausted psychologically and experienced turbulent emotions in every second even though my career was taking off in England and everything was fine in the outer world.
One day I felt so drained and my mind kept criticizing myself why being so emotional. I was lying on my bed and might fall asleep with this question spinning in my head.
I dreamt that I was standing in front of the ocean at stormy weather.
There was a man. He pointed at the ocean and asked me if I like it.
I said, "Yes, I do", with an image of a calm blue ocean on a sunny day in my mind.
He then replied, " Emotion is like an ocean. It can be peaceful and loving as well as wild and scary, Why do you like its serenuty but dislike its turbulence? No matter how it changes, it's the very same ocean in nature."
Right after he said so, I was awake and his words made me ponder for many years...
In writing down this experience, it occurred to me that emotions are like manual focus camera lens, they are great when you have the patience and know how to use them. Otherwise,they will blur your vison and you can't see things clearly.
Gradually I have learned to honor my feeings and appreciate my emotions as they are the guides that reveal the inner truth.
I may not want to listen to them first but they will always be there to ensure I am alighed and focused in my path.
從小我就被標籤成一個敏感的小孩。在一個推崇「高EQ」的社會裡，為了顯示自己的成熟與專業，我往往得壓抑情緒，甚至否定內心感受。
簡單而言，我曾記很討厭自己是如此敏感與情緒化！
大概九年前，在英國的工作順利起步，一切看起來都如此理想，但我卻在起伏不定的混亂情緒中感到精疲力竭。
有一天，我躺在床上，感到很疲憊。腦海中不斷批評自己為什麼如此情緒化？後來，大概迷迷糊糊地睡著了，做了一個夢。
在夢中，我眼前是一片汪洋大海，天色如風雨欲來的灰暗。有一個男人也在那兒，並指著大海問著：「你喜歡海洋嗎？」
「喜歡。」我當時是想著藍天白雲下的寧靜碧海。
他回答：「情緒就像大海一樣。它可以靜如止水，也能掀起滔天駭浪。你為何只愛它的平靜，卻又嫌棄它的浪潮？無論如何變化，它本質是同樣的大海。」
我聽完馬上就醒了。夢中的對話，讓我思考很久很久...
在寫下這些感受時．我突然覺得「情緒」就有如「手動對焦鏡頭」。當有耐心且知道如何使用，可以照出很棒的景象。相反地，就會眼前一片模糊。
慢慢地，我學會聆聽和尊重自己的感受，情緒裡總透露出內心的真相。
也許，當下我仍無法馬上靜下心了解情緒背後的真正原因，但是只要我願意，情緒是一個幫助我在人生道路上保持對焦的最佳指引。