Effortless Effort 不覺力之力
很多年前，我在英國找工作，到處碰壁。當時，我無意間讀到一篇報告，內容訪問許多高層CEO，發現其成功關鍵是「意志力」，是一種人在面對困境，仍能堅持下去的毅力。這個研究結果多少激勵了我，並一廂情願地認為自己是很有意志力的人！
長久以來，我秉持著這樣的信念，心中覺得再苦，也咬牙撐下去。不過，似乎一切都要耗盡我所有心力。每當想辭職時，內心就會不斷批評自己意志力薄弱。
慶幸的是，我沒放棄尋找，有如內心亮著一盞燈，即使閃爍微弱，它仍在那裡，指引著我慢慢地走出一條路，並記起自己是身體、心智和靈魂的結合。
從一本歐林系列的書中讀到，意志的操控就像是開車，而「意志」就如方向盤。當方向正確時，「意志」加上「力」宛若水到渠成。相反地，若方向錯誤，「意志力」便無法持久，因為隱隱約約會覺得自己走錯了路，得調頭重來。
這讓我體悟到，人生若是一連串的掙扎，也許是有更深一層的意義需要被探索？
如同修習瑜伽體位法一樣，不是拼命練習或忍痛拉筋就好。艾揚格先生曾說：「瑜伽，就是關於如何藉由意志(Will)，連同智能(Intelligence)和自我反省意識（Self-reflexive consciousness)的相互作用，讓我們不再受制於搖擺不定的心智(Mind)和外在主導的感官(Sense)之無可避免的擺佈。）
簡單而言，瑜珈體位法不僅是肢體的協調，更是身體和內心之間的和諧。
回顧自己從這幾年開始嘗試攝影、繪畫，體驗到前所未有的創造動力。雖然剛起步，一個點連接著另一個點，機會總在對的時機來臨。儘管，仍未到達終點，這卻是我第一次感到身心靈的和諧，絲毫不須用意志「力」來強迫自己。
畢竟，「意志」用在對的地方，才會有力量。
清晰，正是菩提智慧。
Long time ago, I struggled to find a job in England. At that time I came across an article about the successful factors of top CEOs. The research concluded that will power is the key factor. I somehow found this encouraging, for a false pride that I considered myself as a person with strong will power!
For many years, will power had been my virtue. However, it seemed that I always had to fight and consumed all my energy to get what I desired. Every time I wanted to quit the job, the self-critic would tap on my shoulder and reminded me of the importance of will power.
Luckily I never give up seeking for my path. There seems to be a little light in my heart, dim and flickering though, pointing out a direction for me so that I can finally remember the Self is the union of body, mind and soul.
From a book by Orin, it metaphorizes that using the will can be compared to driving a car and the will is like a steering wheel. When you are in right direction, everything comes spontaneously.
It made me realize that if life is a constant struggle, there must be a root reason behind the phenomenon waiting to be discovered.
“Yoga is about the will, working with intelligence and self-reflexive consciousness, can free us from the inevitability of the wavering mind and outwardly directed senses.” B.K.S. Iyengar once said. Yogasana practice is not about pushing your physical limit but an exploration on your body, mind and spirit in an intelligent and conscious level.
About three years ago, I started exploring Photography and picked up my brushes to paint again. It’s like linking the dots, one after the other, leading to my path. It has been first time in my grown up life that there is a harmony in my thoughts, words and deeds. I don’t have to squeeze all my power to follow the will anymore.
After all, will power is not a “forced” will. We have to use the power in the right place at the right time.
This is clarity; this is buddhi.